Yet when you relied on the Lord, he delivered them into your hand. For the eyes of the Lord range throughout the earth to strengthen those whose hearts are fully committed to him. You have done a foolish thing, and from now on you will be at war.
2 Chronicles 16:8-9
I haven’t written a post in over a month. And THIS is the scripture God chose? I just sat down to write and have no idea where this post will go. It may be a disjointed collection of thoughts. Maybe it will be a pouring out of pride, of lifting of fog, or maybe it’s meant to keep me in check on decisions yet to be made. I don’t know. But, I am going to write…and we’ll see where this goes. Together.
When God turned me on to blogging, I promised that I would only blog when He prompted me to. It just so happened that God was showing me things…and I was paying attention…regularly. And I became comfortable and used to posting regularly. August 24th was a big day for me…a big post for me. Victory in Jesus. Yet, immediately following- silence. In early September, I was driving down the road praying to God; telling Him that I missed our walks and talks. I missed seeing Him in the trees and leaves when it rained and in the seemingly mundane moments in life. I know He is here. He is still guiding me and convicting me where I fall short and I can see Him in my children’s eyes and in our interactions. But, I want to see Him everywhere. Where are you? Then I almost wrecked my car and thought I’d better pay attention to the road.
Both kids are in school now and, yet, there is not a dull moment in a day. I took that opportunity to throw my hat into the ring and help out in a certain ministry. But, it was my hat; My abilities and experience and my desire to help them. Pride and irritation were the result in that short-lived experience and God was quick to remind me that I didn’t ask Him first.
A ministry that I did pray about is the Wednesday night boys ministry at church. My hubby has already been involved for a few years and asked for help. I initially said “no”, then our pastor shared with hubby that married couples have a lot to bring to the table in children’s ministries. “Boys need men.” I said. Then I prayed about it and God changed my heart. God has given us confirmation that we are serving where He wants us to and how He wants us to. A little testimony there…our first “mission” with the boys is a coat drive. We knew our mission, but we weren’t sure who the recipients would be. One of the sweet ladies in our church office suggested that we call the local mission and ask if they are in need. When I contacted them, the response gave me goosebumps! The coordinator there shared that the group who usually gives them coats for the winter is not able to donate this year, therefore our collection will be filling a gap that otherwise may have not been filled. Praise the Lord! I am certain that this is where God has placed us.
A week ago, I got a call from my old employer. They have an employee who is going to be out on maternity leave and wanted to know if I’d fill in for a while. It would only be a few hours here and a few hours there and only for a few months. What do I do? Is this an answer to prayer? I have been praying for some relief in a financially lean time. Or is it an entrapment: another opportunity for my hat to be thrown into the ring again? An effort to make money using my abilities and not trusting on the Lord for our needs? Or a gift? It would certainly disrupt the balance in our family, but if it’s a gift I don’t want to tell God “Thanks, but no thanks.” (sigh) Pray for me.
Yesterday, while on a field trip with one of my children, I got a call about ministry opportunity I have been praying about for a long time. I’ll refrain from giving details, but I will tell you that on at least two specific occasions in my prayer journal in recent months and several more occasions over the past year-this has been something that is heavy on my heart. Something I want. But, is it something God wants for me?
I know that choices will need to be made. Which are God’s priorities and which are mine? Discernment is so easy sometimes and yet so hard. Please pray for discernment.
In recent days, we have been waking up to a pretty thick fog. The mornings are cool and crisp and signal the entrance of Fall…my favorite season. In typing this post, I have come to realize that maybe I am in a fog of my own. It’s not a bad thing, but it’s a place where the visibility isn’t so great and it’s hard to see into the distance. It’s wise to drive slowly and look for signs. It’s a place where I have to fully rely on God for direction and not myself. And now I know where that scripture comes in. When I took on a ministry opportunity out of my own will -using my own ability- I fell flat and was really at war with others and myself. The ministry that I prayed about was blessed by the Lord and was met with His ability.
I pray that in the coming days that the Lord will give me strength, wisdom and discernment to pour out anything in my heart and life that keeps me from being fully committed to Him. I pray that I will not be like Asa and do things my way, but rather that I would follow the lead and instruction of God daily. I pray that I will rely on God and let Him fight my battles so I am not crushed under the weight of my own pride. While I am in this fog, I pray that I will walk by faith and not by sight.