(Cold Feet) A work in progress

Yep. I have ’em. Not only are they cold to the touch…but, I often get “cold feet” in the figurative sense.

I used to be a social person. I would jump at the opportunity to be out and about…in a group…doing something…somewhere…anywhere! In college, I had a hard time being home alone so I’d seek out things to do and people to do them with. Sadly, this would prove to be a detriment because I wasn’t making the best choices socially. Seeking out companionship in such a haphazard manner just wasn’t a good idea. Among a crowd of many, one…maybe two meaningful and healthy friendships have grown and withstood the tests of time. For that I am thankful. Now, years later, having been scarred by many of those superficial friendships that I pursued- I am much more cautious. However, I am sometimes cautious to the point of being closed off and somewhat fearful. I have no problem talking, mingling and having fun when placed in a social situation, but getting me there may be like trying to usher a cat to a bathtub. I get cold feet. This fear of man is one of the biggest obstacles that I face today.

Fear of man will prove to be a snare, but whoever trusts in the LORD is kept safe.

Proverbs 29:25

Why doesn’t she like me?

I have been at this church three years and still feel disconnected with no established relationships. Do I look unfriendly?

What’s wrong with me?  Am I unapproachable?

Don’t they know how much their betrayal hurt? Did they know at all?

Why doesn’t she like me?

Oh, forget it...

I’ll “un-friend” them all and then I don’t have to guess who my real friends are.

I don’t think any of them fit the bill anyways. (sigh)

I have had these thoughts and feelings for so many years. A few years ago, I actually sat in front of my Facebook and started asking myself some questions. “Of these 287 people…which would come to my aid if I were in need?”…delete, delete, delete…”Which are my husband’s friends who wouldn’t breathe a word to me if we weren’t married?…and which don’t breathe a word to me even though we are married?”…delete, delete, delete, delete…”Other than family and a handful of longtime friends, who are my friends?” Over the course of just a few minutes, that 287 shrunk to a mere 78. Sad…but, good. I was going through some trials at the time, so it was actually a comfort to know that I had 78 people I could consider friends. In hindsight, it may have been a bit rash and I heard through the infamous “grapevine” that I hurt some feelings. The truth of the matter is that while I was looking for the friendship and approval of many- there is only one who is really going to be here for me in my time of need and that’s Jesus Christ.

 One who has unreliable friends soon comes to ruin,
    but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.

Proverbs 18:24

It is better to take refuge in the Lord than to trust in man.

Psalm 118:8

Like a bad tooth or lame foot is reliance on the unfaithful in times of trouble.

Proverbs 26:19

A righteous man is cautious in friendship, but the way of the wicked leads them astray.

Proverbs 12:19

Wait…I just realized something. Let’s go back to the first verse in this post.

Fear of man will prove to be a snare, but whoever trusts in the LORD is kept safe. 

Proverbs 29:25

I have quoted this verse so heavily in the past few years, but I just this minute figured out the problem. It’s not my “fear of man”. It’s my “trust in the Lord”!

Pride. “why don’t they like me…what’s wrong with me…am I unapproachable”…it’s all about me. I have been so focused on guarding myself from others based on feelings and speculation- that I have failed to trust the Lord to guard me and direct me.

Humble yourselves, therefore, under God’s mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time. Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.

1 Peter 5:6-7

Trust the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him and he will make your path straight.

Proverbs 3:5-6  (funny…I wrote this verse on the board in my kitchen a week ago and it turns out it was for me the whole time!)

You will keep in perfect peace those whose minds are steadfast, because they trust in you.

Isaiah 26:3

When I began writing this morning, I had no idea what God would bring to me through this post. It seems that I have two more areas that I have not surrendered: pride and trust.

This is just one more indication that I am still a work in progress.

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