Another sleepless night. That is three in a row now. (sigh)
She’s at the age where fear starts to creep in to the uncertainty that the dark seems to hold. “Mommy, I’m scared.”, she says. Endless conversations where we discuss what she’s afraid of…talking her through each fear. Praying with her. Reading scripture.
Surely God is my salvation; I will trust and not be afraid. The Lord, the Lord is my strength and my song, he has become my salvation.
Whoever dwells in the shelter of the Most High will rest in the shadow of the Almighty. I will say of the Lord, “He is my refuge and my fortress, my God, in whom I trust… He will cover you with his feathers, and under his wings you will find refuge; his faithfulness will be your shield and rampart. You will not fear the terror of night, nor the arrow that flies by day…
At first, it was only at bedtime. Wait a minute! Is this just another way of procrastinating before bedtime? But, the past three days she has called out at 2am…2:30am…4am…seemingly endless nights. When morning comes, I yearn for just one more hour…just five more minutes of sleep. The oldest one comes in for his morning snuggle and I send him away- disappointed. “She was up all night, buddy. I just need a few more minutes.” Praise the Lord for a husband who can get him ready for school and give me just a little longer. When it’s time to leave for the bus, I go in to “poke the bear”. She has never been a morning person, but I knew that this morning was going to include some louder growling. “Honey, if you’d sleep at night you wouldn’t feel this way today!”
As I stagger into the kitchen, I recall the events of the night. I responded to her well at 2am, but by 4am I was frustrated and tired and my response had become far less gentle. As I sit down with my Bible, I receive a quiet reminder. God doesn’t get frustrated with me when I have fear and anxiety…When I call on him repeatedly because I can’t see what He is doing with a situation…even if all of the anxiety and fear I have is completely irrational BECAUSE HE IS IN CONTROL. I prayed this morning for a changed attitude. More patience. More compassion. More strength to get through the day. More gentleness. More of HIM and less of ME.
We are both dragging, but watching princess movies is always a good plan for a cold, flurry-filled Monday morning. I have nowhere to be this morning and nothing urgent on my plate. We will snuggle and pray for a better evening. I am so thankful for my Lord. I am thankful for the way he gently teaches and reminds me that I need to treat others the way HE treats me. He reminds me of Ephesians 4
20 That, however, is not the way of life you learned 21 when you heard about Christ and were taught in him in accordance with the truth that is in Jesus.
22 You were taught, with regard to your former way of life, to put off your old self, which is being corrupted by its deceitful desires; 23 to be made new in the attitude of your minds; 24 and to put on the new self, created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness. …
26 “In your anger do not sin”[d]: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, 27 and do not give the devil a foothold. …
31 Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. 32 Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.
Let it go. It’s a new day and the Lord will get me through. I can’t allow my lack of sleep and self-centeredness to rule me today. God forgives me and comforts me when I cry out in irrational fear- even though my fear or anxiety reflects a lack of faith in the moment. He covers me in truth and corrects my course with assurance that He is with me and is in control. I need to respond to others the way God responds to me.