A mountaintop experience…and the valley behind.
Last week God showed me how to serve my husband and my family with pure joy and sacrifice. He also showed me something about my relationship with food. In the emotions of the moment, I rely on food for comfort more than Him at times and delight in the taste more than the function of satisfying hunger. He gave me a strength and a vigor that I could have never summoned on my own. He is powerful! I am not going to give any further detail on this right now, but believe me- it was a wonderful week and a wonderful experience.
But, this week something has shifted. I feel a heaviness..a scurrying in my brain… there’s something stirring but I don’t know what it is. I have decisions to make but I don’t feel like it. The notorious “to do” list is on the counter, but not a single item is checked off. I burst the blood vessels in my eye with a mighty coughing fit and have had to wear my glasses all week. I am not seeing…I am not hearing. I’d love to crawl into bed and sleep instead of…well anything else. As I am typing this I am wearing my husbands biggest, warmest long sleeved shirt and I am taking in the quiet…alone. My prayers have reflected a deep desperation to hear Him. I need Him. But, my mind is not quiet enough to receive Him.
Writing this down made it easy to see what shifted me from the mountain of the week past to the valley of this week. Although I didn’t see it until today. “I”…”me”…”feel”…”desperate”…instead of “serve”…”joy”…”sacrifice”…”comfort”. In the above paragraph, I used the words “I” or “my” 18 times. Yikes. I know that some days I just want to be alone, but it’s not all about me now is it? No, it’s not. I tell our kids all the time “I don’t speak Whine-eese!” when then are whining. Even though my whining has not been open and verbal- I am whining. Is it possible that God doesn’t speak Whine-eese either?
I asked a friend for prayer in the midst of this heaviness. I told her “There is no room for “blah” here. It crowds the Spirit.” And I meant it. This has got to go! Do you know how she responded? With a text that read…
The Lord is nigh unto them that are of a broken heart; and saveth such as be of a contrite spirit.
My flesh and my heart faileth: but God is the strength of my heart, and my portion for ever.
Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you: not as the world giveth, give I unto you. Let not your heart be troubled neither let it be afraid.
And that folks, is what
Pointing me back to God with His Word…she offered His encouragement up to me. She’s not just a good girlfriend…but a God girlfriend. She has been a gift to me- and she delivered the gift that keeps on giving. God’s Word. The truth, my strength, my salvation and comfort, my deliverer, my sustain-er.
Surround yourselves with God friends who speak truth and love.
Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their work: If one falls down, his friend can help him up. But pity the man who falls and has no one to help him up! If two lie down together, they will keep warm. But how can one keep warm alone? Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.
And never forget to count your blessings!
111. A house full of (7) kids playing
112. A visit from a good friend and her children- long overdue
113. Gray hair- a crown of splendor (Prov 16:31)- the splendor of the old (Prov 20:29)
114. He says, “Mom, I wish you could be with me forever.”
115. A nighttime visitor who snuggles in close with her little hand in mine.
116. Brushing her golden hair
117. Reading the book of Ecclesiastes and seeing how it ties into our Bible study. Everything IS meaningless under the sun. Slow down and enjoy God’s provision. Serve don’t slave.
118. Silly nonsense stories
119. glasses…and back up glasses
120. a husband who faithfully chops and re-stocks the wood for a fire that keeps us warm and cozy on cold days.
121. A deep inhale followed by a deeply refreshing exhale.
122. A sherpa blanket and warm slippers.
123. A phone call from my GOoD girlfriend while I am writing this blog- offering a cord of three strands (a rope) to get out of the pit I am dwelling in. God is AMAZING! His timing is PERFECT!